16 Hilarious Can't Sleep Quotes and Sayings Only Insomniacs will Understand

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Negative thoughts fan the flames of insomnia and make it worse, but being positive in the face of a sleep starved existence is pretty darn hard. What’s an insomniac to do?

We laugh in the haggard face of insomnia, that’s what we do!

A 2007 Japanese study of nursing mothers found that laughter actually causes the brain to produce more melatonin. (That important but elusive sleep hormone everyone needs to start the sleep process normally.)

Here’s my roundup of the funniest can’t sleep quotes and sayings only those of us who have lain awake at 3 a.m. can understand. So go ahead and yuck it up and enjoy these hilarious insomnia one liners and let the melatonin flow through your brain!

Page Contents

1 I Want to Sleep Like….a Husband
2 The Best Insomnia Cure Ever!
3 When your Bed is your Special Thinking Place…
4 Thanks a Lot, Insomnia!
5 Don’t EVEN Think About Waking Me Up Early
6 Hibernation? Yes, Please!
7 I’m Up Way Past my Bedtime
8 You’re Asleep Already? Seriously?
9 I Just Want to Go to Sleep and Wake up Beautiful…
10 Dear 3 a.m., We HAVE to Stop Meeting Like This
11 Sleep? My Brain has Other Ideas
12 Listen, if I Could Sleep at Night I’d have a Good Morning
13 Tell Me Again How You’re a Sleep Expert?
14 My face when people tell me to just close your eyes and sleep.
15 If I Could Quit Thinking at Night, That’d be Great
16 People who Fall Asleep Fast Scare Me
17 Ma’am, Step Away from The Phone.
18 What’s your Favorite Sleep Quotes and Sayings?

I Want to Sleep Like….a Husband

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I just want to sleep like a husband.

The Best Insomnia Cure Ever!

Nothing cures insomnia faster than the realization it’s time to get up.

When your Bed is your Special Thinking Place…

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.

Thanks a Lot, Insomnia!

Dear Insomnia, thanks for stopping by last night so I can be fully exhausted today. I’m so excited! Said no one ever.

Don’t EVEN Think About Waking Me Up Early

You know what part I like about waking up early? None of it. Let me go back to sleep!

Hibernation? Yes, Please!

When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.

I’m Up Way Past my Bedtime

I’m like, four days past my bedtime…

You’re Asleep Already? Seriously?

I hate people who can go to sleep as soon as they close their eyes. Like, that takes me 4 hours 600 position changes and a sacrifice to the sleep gods.

I Just Want to Go to Sleep and Wake up Beautiful…

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.

Dear 3 a.m., We HAVE to Stop Meeting Like This

Dear 3 a.m., We have got to stop meeting this way. I’d much rather sleep with you.

Sleep? My Brain has Other Ideas

9 p.m.: I think I’m going to go to bed early tonight. 3 a.m.: LOL

Listen, if I Could Sleep at Night I’d have a Good Morning

I always say morning instead of good morning. Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in my bed and not talking to people.

Tell Me Again How You’re a Sleep Expert?

My face when people tell me to just close your eyes and sleep.

If I Could Quit Thinking at Night, That’d be Great

Me: I can’t sleep. My brain: Would it help if I started calculating the maximum amount of sleep we can get every few minutes?

People who Fall Asleep Fast Scare Me

People who fall asleep quickly freak me out. I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Ma’am, Step Away from The Phone.

Well, since I can’t sleep I may as well browse the internet for quotes about not being able to sleep.

What’s your Favorite Sleep Quotes and Sayings?

Sometimes the best remedy for sleep is laughter. It releases lots of feel good endorphins, and if you believe that Japanese study, a lot of melatonin, too.

Do you have favorite funny quotes about not being able to sleep? I’d love to hear them! Just drop them in the comments section below to add them to the list. 🙂

Sources: Kimata H. J Psychosom Res. 2007 Jun;62(6):699-702.